I have reached the home stretch. I am entering my last week of the internship. This year has gone by so fast. Seems like yesterday was my first day here in Madison and yet it also seems like I've been here for years because of the great friendships and relationships I have built and all that the Lord has been doing in my life.

 Initially, as I reflect on this year, I feel bad for leaving this place and not having a definite plan of what is next, besides Bangkok this summer. This internship is designed to be a stepping stone for students who have just graduated from college and are looking to experience Jesus in the margins of society, love and minster to those living in those areas, and also explore what the Lord's longer term plan for us is in terms of missions/career, particularly to the poor. As of right now, I don't particulary know what next year is going to look like for me. I don't know where I will be living or what I will be doing. All I know is that I am moving back to California. But I do know that the Lord has really given me a desire to love those who are not loved much and who don't quite "fit" into this world. Actually, I feel like I am one of those people myself. And that in itself is another stepping stone to what God has planned for me. Through this year, God has also helped me to see what some of my strengths are. Relationship building and connecting people to people is one. I am not good with words, it's always been hard for me to express in words how I am feeling, but showing people how I feel is a strength. Spending time with people is a strength. I am not good at teaching. I will do it if necessary and it's always a stretching experience for me, but generally, I cannot teach well. But I can connect people who need to learn and hear Truth to people who can teach it well.

 
I used to think if I couldn't teach or speak well, play the guitar and lead worship songs well, I was not of much value to the Kingdom. And that thought paralyzed me and urged me to hide from God and from doing His work. But through relationships I have built in the Triangle and at my church, God has affirmed that He needs connectors just as much as he needs teachers or pastors or worship leaders and that I need to continue doing all I can and all He has made me to be and through the strengths he has given me. And in working out of my strengths, I am encouraged to work on my weaknesses rather than to feel disabled by them. I want more knowledge and to learn more about the Bible and about God so I can speak Truth with more confidence and greater passion. That's why I am possibly thinking about going to seminary. That's only a very preliminary thought though, but please keep it in your prayers.

The past few days have been very emotional for me. I have a little over a week here keft in Madison and then off to Mississippi to visit some family and then off to California where I will meet my team and the head out to Bangkok for 6 weeks. I shared at church on Sunday about how my time in Madison has been and since then, I have just been really emotional about leaving. God has blessed me so much with so much here. I remember arriving here last August and after a week, making a bargain with God about doing full time ministry if only I could go back to CA. That's how homesick I was! And now, I don't wamt to leave.

Living here at the YWAM house has provided such great community, transition out of college, and fun with people around my age. I really have enjoyed my part time job at NGL. Although the work is getting a little tedious and routine, the people there make it so much fun and such a great work environment. Many of them have given to me financially for getting to Bangkok and have just been great at asking me how preparations are going and encouraging me...even the non-Christians. My church has been a great support and I have learned a lot from being there about freedom in worship and the word. And lastly but definitely not least, being at Bayview has been one of the best parts about being here. It was definitely hard at first. For the first month or two, I struggled with feeling out of place and not connecting with the kids there. But now I feel like it's my second home and have gotten to know some wonderful families over there. I remember feeling that place was very godless in the beginning of this internship, and now I feel like I have it's one of the places I have experienced God the most. Although there are not many Christian families there, God is still working and showed me much about love, family, faith, and perseverance as I have made connections with some of the kids and their families. I found out today that one of the Hmong girls' mom used to go to church before her husband died. She said she would like to go back because she slept much better when she went to church (peace of mind) but hasn't had the chance  to go in a while beacuse she works so much and is so tired all time. I invited her to come this Sunday with her daughter so I am praying she isn't too tired and can come!

Went to the travel nurse today to see what immunizations I need for this summer. All the ones I got a couple years ago when I went to Ethiopia are still good (yay), so I only had to get one- the second Hep A shot. The entire visit which lasted no more than 30 minutes cost me $166!!! The Hep A itself was $102 plus the shot administration charge which was $18 and then the visitation charge which was $46. I can't believe I had to spend so much on just one shot!!

I only have 3 weeks left before I leave for the summer. Pretty crazy! Seems like just yesterday I moved here and at the same time feels like it's been longer than a year because of all the wonderful friends I made and people I met. I feel sad that I will be leaving, especially since I feel like I am really getting to know some of the families in Bayview, but I just have to trust God has great plans there. I just have to keep praying.

The past two weeks, since the last I wrote, have been full but tons of fun. The week of the 11th I was in LA with all the Trek directors. We each shared about our projects, prayed for one another, scouted out places, went over orientation and debriefing details, and just bonded. I feel very young, not ever having been on IV staff on a project or even on a campus. But it was such a privelege to be with these directors that have so much insight into short term missions and ministry to students among the poor. Being with them makes we want to learn more.

This past weekend has been sooo tiring but lots of fun. I am trying to spend as mich time as I can with the kids at Bayview before I leave. Last night I had 3 girls spend the night at my house. We went out to dinner, painted picture frames, danced around, and watched a movie. I didn't get much sleep though because I was woken up at least 5 times to take them to the bathroom or get them a glass of water. Then this morning they went to church with me. These girls are 8,9, and 10 years old and Hmong. It was there first time at church and they seemed a bit frightened but when I asked them afterwards what they thought, they said church was great. My church has a good number of kids around their age so although they didn't socialize much with them, they liked being around other kids and "playing" which meant having a story read to them about a sheep and a shepherd and learning about Jesus as our shepherd that guides and protects us, and doing a craft. I hope they continue coming and sharing with their parents what they learn!

Arrived here in California late Friday night. My flights were actually quite emotional. On my first flight from Madison to Minneapolis, as I was boarding the plane, there was a man in a wheelchair waiting for everyone to get on so he could. He had an air supply with him. Near to the end of our flight, as our plane was beginning to descend, the captain came on letting us know there was a situation on board and to remain seated with our seatbelts fastened until the paramedics came on once we landed and the seatbelt sign had been turned off. I was sitting in the back of the plane so I had no idea what was going on but apparently the man in the wheelchair had gotten ill during our flight.

We landed really quickly, no taxiing, just a straight shoot to a gate and then the paramedics quickly came on and started asking this man a bunch of questions, taking his blood pressure, etc. For some reason, I just started crying and crying. I have no idea why! I didn't know this man, only saw him for a brief moment as I boarded the plane, but for some reason I just really felt for him. Maybe it's because I know people now in Madison who have some severe, long-term illnesses that keep them confined in a wheelchair. Maybe it is because I try to imagine what his life is like for him, and I can't even fathom it. Maybe it is because I realize how easily our health can be taken away from us. Maybe it is because God has been showing and giving me more and more of his heart this year.

After some examination, the paramedics lifted him into a wheelchair and took him off the plane. I was sitting at a window seat so I could see them take him off the plane. At that time I was bawling. The people around me must have thought I was really weird. All I could do then was pray for that man. I pray he is doing better now.

Then after a couple hours at the Minneapolis airport, which I love being at because there are many Ethiopians working there and I absolutely love Ethiopians, I boarded my second plane. Now, I was seated in front of two rows of drunk, middle aged men that shouted and cursed all throughout the 3.5 hours flight. I was so annoyed!!! Especially after what had happened on the first flight, I was so upset at these men for being so immature and disrespectful. I was almost ready to turn around and yell at them but thanks to God's grace, I remained in my seat and just tried to sleep as much as I could. I should've prayed for them now that I think about it, but I didn't. Why do I feel compassion to pray for the man on the first flight, and not for the men on the second? I still much to learn from God about his heart for all peoples.

I leave for California this evening. All the Trek directors are meeting up in LA from Monday, April 11- Thursday April 14 to update one another about our trips, pray for each other, and go over details about orientation and debriefing. I am looking forward to seeing the others, sharing vision, learning, and finalizing plans with Elizabeth, my co-leader. I am flying in and out of San Diego so I can see my dad and some good college friends for a couple days. Can't wait! =D

Sorry it's been so long since my last blog. I wasn't feeling very well the week before last and the beginning of last week. I am doing much better now. Today was a good day. Went to work in the morning from 9-1 and then took a bus over to the IV national office to print out my prayer/fundraising letters. I love being there because I just have a sense that many great ideas were birthed at that place! hehe Arrived home around 4 and chatted on the phone with a friend for a bit, took a 15 minute nap, and then did some reading. I am reading a book right now called "Welcome to the Bangkok Slaughterhouse." It's written by an American Catholic priest who has lived in a slum in Bangkok- Klong Toey- for more than 30 years now. He has established a Mercy Center there with and AIDS hospice, many schools for street kids, and many other incredible things. This book is a series of articles that came out in the Bangkok Post about his experiences in Klong Toey. So far, all the stories I have ready have been about children and how they are affected by drug addict parents, abusive relatives, drug use, slum living, etc. Since I will be in Klong Toey this summer, I thought it would be good to read. His stories have a realistic tone to them but also a light of hope because of the work he and others have done as missionaries. It's ready to look at his life, see all the good he has done, and want to do the same. But then I wonder how hard it must have been and must be to confront the poverty, drugs, and other crazy things that happen there and not feel hopeless or overwhelmed. Or even just how hard it must have been to live in a squatter's shack with a corrugated metal roof for twenty years knowing you could be living in a nice house in the US. I keep asking myself, "Can I do that" Is that what God wants me to do?" I have a lot to pray about for this summer and also a lot to learn which I am really looking forward to.

Well, I returned from Bangkok early morning on Monday. The journey home was quite long. Flew from Bangkok to Hong Kong, Hong Kong to LA, LA to Chicago, took a bus from Chicago to Madison, and then walked home from the bus stop (only a few blocks). The set up trip went really well. I am really excited about returning this summer. I look forward to being a part of the spiritual transformation in students' lives who participate in the Trek and experience Jesus among and with the urban poor. I am also looking forward to building friendships with people in Thailand. I still keep in good touch with a few friends I made in Ethiopia a couple years ago which is a real blessing.

Some prayer requests- Since I got back, my stomach has not been doing too well. I was fine there but since I've been back, everything I eat upsets my stomach and comes right out. (sorry if that's too much info =D). I hope it doesn't last long or get worse because I don't have health insurance. Also, still struggling with jet-lag. Again, didn't have much of a problem there but coming back has been hard. Also, please be praying for more males on our team. We only have one guy for sure on the team and we would love to see more men of God join us. Plus, we don't want that one guy to feel alone or singled out. There is also a great need for young men to be role models for the boys in Bangkok. Men who can be examples and show what it looks like to love women/girls as sisters. Thank you for your prayers!

Sawadee Ka (Hello in Thai)

Greetings from Thailand!!! Elizabeth and I have been soaking up all the information we can from Janet (the director from the past 2 years) these past few days! We've been having a great time meeting people at the ministry sites, learning the transportation system, and planning for the summer Trek. We've also been having dinner with members of Janet's family every night and they are such a delight to be with! Oh, lemme tell ya, it is quite hot here!!! Elizabeth and I are a bit nervous that we don't know any Thai and Janet (who is fluent in Thai) won't be with us this summer, but she and I are slowly trying to learn some words. So far, we know 1-10, hi, how are you, my name is..., what's your name, and God Bless You! Yeah...we have a long way to go! hehe We still have a lot of information to extract from Janet and planning to do, but things are really taking shape which makes me super excited! I am learning a wealth of information from both Elizabeth and Janet on what it looks like to be a great director and how to care for students. We've been also having a great time laughing at ourselves and just being plain silly. Even though I have only known Janet for 5 days, these women are great mentors and friends to me! More details to come when I get back to the states and have more internet time. Please continue praying for us as we will be meeting with Dave Von Stroh, a Trek alum who now lives and ministers in a slum in Thailand. And also as Elizabeth and I fly home tomorrow morning.

Prachouay Porn (God Bless You).

Well, I will be on my way to the airport in about 20 minutes. I will fly from Madison to Chicago to LA (where I will meet up with Elizabeth my co-director) to Hong Kong to Bangkok. Lots of stopovers, huh? I am super excited but also a bit nervous. We arrive in Bangkok Wed morning and we leave Sunday so it doesn't leave us much time. There are many places to visit, people to meet, and decisions to be made in preparation for this summer so please be praying for us this week. Thanks! I'm excited though to be crossing cultures again, meeting some wonderful Thai families, and experiencing what God is doing in Bangkok and how we can be a part of that this summer. May it all be for the glory of God and the advancement of His Kingdom. May we do it by His might and knowledge and not our own. I'll fill ya in on everything when I get back! Blessings!